Dear Sasha,
You are likely aware about the cost of losing one's libido through anti-depressants. I was put on Prozac after an accident and, in 12 years, I've had sex the number of times I would like to engage in for six weeks. The silver lining is that I remember too well how horny I used to be and how frustrating that was. I'm sensitive and couldn't bear not hearing from someone I had sex with.

I have been out of the game because you can't get hurt if you don't play. Now I'm starving for sex and affection. My drug of choice has always been food. So I've been hiding behind an overweight body that has made me, for the most part, sexually irrelevant. Also, I'm dry as a bone. I went to several doctors who said there is nothing to be done because the hormones women take to counteract that are very dangerous. Using lubricants isn't sexy for me. I want my partner to know that he turns me on and I get wet from his touch and so on.

I want to get off Prozac, lose the extra weight and deal with my appetite - sexual and food - but how? Any suggestions as to how I can get healthy and enjoy a satisfying, regular sex life would be most appreciated.

Out of Touch

Dear Out,
You've basically e-mailed insisting I cannot help you - so I'll try not to - but let's also be realistic about who I am on the guidance continuum. If a cavalcade of physicians and therapists can't help, what do you think I have hiding in my skirts?

Pulling yourself together after trauma is a bitch because no matter how much expert intervention you engage in, in the end, there you are: sabotaging, harping and immobile.

Even if you could afford the health care, it's futile if all you really want is to be unbroken. Regardless of the hand you're dealt, life takes a lot of discipline. You certainly have it in you (you seem admirably committed to failure) but you need to apply it differently.

It feels like you had your accident at a very crucial time in your sexual development. In my experience, getting attached to someone is very different than actually liking someone or requiring they like you. Falling in love is different than being in love. And writing off lube? That's just crazy talk.

Start researching sexuality with a more realistic eye. Two books: The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability (which also deals with non-visible disabilities) and Paul Joannides' Guide to Getting it On. The section Sex and Drugs may be of particular interest to you.

Questions? Comments? Contact Sasha at pouledeluxe@yahoo.com.