Dear Sasha,
A year ago I had the opportunity to meet a lovely young woman. After getting to know her for a while, she mentioned that she was trans. She was worried I would react negatively but, surprisingly, I didn't. After being involved with her for close to a year, she decided that we should break things off, using the "it's not you, it's me" line.

I have gotten back into dating. The problem is that I'm having difficulty finding someone I like. As far as I know, every woman I've gone out with after my ex has been biologically female. So what I'm wondering is, should I give trans women another chance? I'm just really confused. Do you have anything to say that could help me figure this out?

KM

Dear KM,
Have disheartening experiences with biological women prevented you from dating them again? Probably not, and it looks like your first relationship with a transsexual woman ended as characteristically as so many do. The "it's not you, it's me" speech can leave you feeling a little duped, a little groundless and sometimes, it feels like an insultingly benevolent fiction, but turn it over and look at it another way and you'll see there is some real truth to it. Their feelings have changed, you haven't. So yeah, it really is them and not you. Sure, it still kinda sucks the wienie but anyone could have said this to you, regardless of their biological sex.

Swearing off a 'type' is something we do to protect ourselves from hurt. Falling in love with someone - especially, I would say, someone who expands our vision of ourselves and our desires - and losing them can bring up a lot of old fear which, for many of us, manifests as anger. It can feel easier, more reliable, to sit in anger than heartbreak but, in the long run, this makes it harder to acknowledge that we can get past it and trust again. Let the heartbreak run its course, be gentle with yourself and keep a broad mind. Consider yourself a lucky man: there's a whole other segment of the female population you're open to dating.

. . .

Dear Sasha,
My new year's resolution is to shave my crotch and balls for the next time I have sex. How do I do this safely? Is it going to itch no matter what?

Would-Be Shaver

Dear Would-Be,
I conducted an informal poll on my Facebook fan page and here's what I got back:

Logan: "The Philips Bodygroom is the Lexus of body hair trimmers. It does it all, even the ass crack." And how's the itch factor? "Not nearly as bad as a blade. I use guard No. 1 around my crotch so there is no itch at all - it trims really close still with the guard and I use it directly on my balls with no irritation. It can be tricky on the ass. You just have to be careful around there and not go for too many passes."

G: "I do know they feel a lot nicer when clear cut. As for technique, there is nothing special: just a good Schick Quattro shaver in the shower with a lather of soap. It helps that I'm fair-haired and not fighting so much against the grain of anything coarse or dense. But really it's a matter of stretching the balls taut and flat so you're not catching anything undesirable. Itching only hits once and awhile. Better as time goes on and you get used to it - maybe like shaving your pits does. Don't do ass crack. Just enough downtown to keep the streets clean so to speak."

JV: "The itch is a bitch and stubble is trouble! I shave slowly, with great care in the shower and apply a nice slather of pure aloe vera gel after."

II: "I don't shave my balls but I keep them trimmed very short and tidy, with a standard moustache trimmer I bought at good old London Drugs."

So, there are your options. It looks like the best way to avoid itch is to use a trimmer versus a razor. Whatever way you go, don't cheap out on the implement and do NOT (and this is from my own experience with the Jenna Jameson Hot Trimmer) buy anything endorsed by a porn star.

Questions? Comments? Contact Sasha at pouledeluxe@yahoo.com.