So how do you review a gazillion Fringe plays when you're a weekly that publishes the day after the festival opens and three days before it ends?

You put all your reviews on the web is how... and publish the best in the paper, which is exactly what we're doing.
After five days of Fringe action (before our publication deadline), the reviews you'll find in the July 23 issue of Uptown are of the best plays our reviewers had seen.

The rest of our reviews are being posted as they are written (OK, not quite) right here on our website at uptownmag.com. Be sure to check back often, as this list will be updated daily.

All reviews are posted in alphabetical order, according to show title.

A-
13 Plays About Love
Pam and Grant Productions
Venue 7, The Conservatory

While you won't find any ruminations on deep spiritual truths about the nature of love in this production, you'll certainly find more than your fair share of laughs. 13 Plays About Love features two entwined stories of a group of six young adults trying to navigate the minefields of flirting, dating, seemingly inevitable heartbreak and the art of bouncing back from a stint on "Break Up Hill." Caleb and Marissa are a couple whose relationship has started seeming too much like work. Lacey, Marissa's flighty and astrology-obsessed best friend, is looking for her perfect Scorpio. Hope is the girl who can't seem to keep anyone interested in her because she simply adopts their interests as her own - that is until she meets Steve, professional bong-jockey and bassist for local band The Flesh Weasels. Hope's brother Alex has no time for any love affairs but his torrid romance with World of Warcraft. It's a light, very funny and well executed production that is sure to keep you entertained.
- John Towns

A+
52 Pick Up
Gemma Wilcox Productions
Venue 9, Canwest Performing Arts Centre (MTYP)
Review posted: Monday, July 20

52 Pick Up is a play that tracks the relationship between two people from their first meeting until the last bitter fight and farewell. The story is simple enough, but what makes it so moving is the execution. Two actors (Gemma Wilcox and Sam Elmore) walk out on stage, shuffle a deck of cards and then throw them into the air. Each card represents a scene in the relationship that is then played out at random, ranging from comedic to dramatic with only a few seconds notice in between. Both actors do an amazing job in portraying a realistic relationship, especially considering that the tone of each performance is slightly different depending on the order in which the cards are picked up. The story is kept simple, so the audience is never in danger of getting lost - but it's the simplicity that makes the play so poignant. Everyone will recognize at least a part of themselves in this story.
- Mike Sherby

A-
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Hired Gun Productions
Venue 5, Sone of Warehouse
Review posted: Monday, July 20

Luke Falconer was wise to stick closely to his source material. His one-man adaptation of Dave Eggers' bestselling novel - which recounts the true story of Eggers' struggle to parent his younger brother after both their parents die of cancer within a month of each other - is sardonically funny and, at times, disarmingly touching. Falconer employs the book's metacommunicative style to decent effect, repeatedly breaking character to discuss, for example, how the show's profits will be divvied up or which parts may not be worth paying attention to. Two small criticisms: the performance I took in suffered from a slight pacing problem (maybe it was nerves, but Falconer raced through his lines far too quickly) and the pretaped voice of Tophe, the brother, sounded like a cartoon munchkin instead of a pre-teen boy. No matter - with such a strong script, this one's worth the admission price.
- Marlo Campbell

B-
A Procrastinator's Guide to Depressive Masturbation
Grasping at Straws Productions
Venue 11, Red River College

Although the title is sure to grab your attention, Wilson Pimental's warts-and-all one-man show isn't all about stroking it. Pimental portrays Lewis, an increasingly disillusioned actor with an unrewarding job and a lacklustre love life. Over the course of an hour, he gets to vent his frustrations about everything from a fumbled sex encounter with a long time crush to dealing with endless rejection in his chosen profession. The show opens with Lewis's back to us, a (fake) gun cocked and placed in the performer's mouth - until he notices an audience has formed, successfully thwarting his suicide attempt. Lewis begins with how everyday pleasantries annoy him, eventually moving into what's caused his porn-hoarding, masturbatory obsession. Though his humourous insights are far from unique, Pimentel's an engaging presence who eventually wins you over. Unfortunately, the last few minutes during which Lewis receives unlikely advice via a phone call, seem a little unnecessary.
- Aaron Graham

A
The Accident
Epicworlds-Jonno Katz
Venue 8, The Rachel Browne Theatre
Review posted: Monday, July 20
 
Comedy, calamity and contemporary dance - Jonno Katz has crafted a moving, multi-faceted production in The Accident. The agile Australian actor moves and tumbles across the stage, sometimes with skill and grace, and sometimes with a clumsy uneasiness, depending on the emotion he's portraying. The story of two siblings, Roy is the means-well, but manipulative big brother who orders around Sebastian, his coy but creative kin. But when Sebastian has an idea - a 'holy shit' kind of idea - Roy smells success and a power struggle ensues. With years of pent-up rage towards Roy, you just know something's going to explode. A masterful one-man performance, the dancing and abstract moments may put off the most impatient of people, but those bits are brief and it's The Accident's story that shines through.
- Jared Story

B+
Advanced D 'n' D: The Next Campaign
Red River Serial
Venue 6, Tom Hendry Theatre at the MTC Warehouse
Review posted: Sunday, July 19

Oh, it's on! Brandishing battleaxes and wielding warhammers, do-gooders and evil doers come to blows in Advanced D 'n' D: The Next Campaign, an improvisational comedy based on the notoriously nerdy Dungeons and Dragons role-playing game. Here's how it works. Each adventure picks up where the last show left off. Directed by the dungeon master, players' fates are determined by the Dice of Doom. A high roll is excellent. A low roll... well, these are Dice of Doom. With up to 12 characters on stage, there's many a fine warrior. Especially entertaining are the vociferous vampire Raoul, Viscount of Hexadecimal and Sir Bedlington Regal who rides his servant Kile around like a pony. On the other hand, a couple combatants seem incompetent in comedy conflict and the flow of the game is choppier than the swords the characters carry. Still, despite a few casualties, Advanced D 'n' D: The Next Campaign reigns victorious.
- Jared Story

A
Altar Boyz
Winnipeg Studio Theatre   
Venue 16, PTE (Mainstage)   
Review posted: Sunday, July 19                     

Glory hallelujah! Winnipeg Studio Theatre's Altar Boyz raises the rafters as a five-member boy band gyrating for Jesus. The 2005 critically acclaimed Off-Broadway hit show spoofs social stereotypes and pokes fun at religion as the Boyz perform their high octane touring show, Raise the Praise. Director Kayla Gordon has assembled a stellar cast which includes Marc Devigne (Juan), Michael Lyons (Luke), Simon Miron (Abraham), Joseph Sevillo (Mark) and Jeremy Walmsley (Matthew) who sing like angels and dance like the devil. A live three-piece band consisting of Joseph Tritt, Daniel Jordan and Ariel Posen rock through a set of 13 musical numbers that bring the band's "funky fresh message" to the masses, interspersed with witty gags such as the Confession Sessions and (lest we forget) Soul Sensor. Clever lyrics abound and the action is non-stop. In Boyz-speak, this show's got a lot of crunk. Whether you're a believer or not, one thing is true: this is one of the hottest Fringe shows of 2009 so you'll need to get your tickets fast.
- Holly Harris 

A
archy and mehitabel
Ausable Theatre
Venue 17, PTE (Colin Jackson Studio)
Review posted: Wednesday, July 22

Inhabiting the dual roles of both a former poet now reincarnated into a politically conscious cockroach and a gracious feline who flutters about the stage is London, Ont. performer Jeff Culbert. Based on a series of newspaper columns by Don Marquis, Culbert has combed through the crème of the writer's crop to distill their essence for his pair of complimentary monologues. Archy is a skittering, curmudgeonly roach, distrustful of humankind while contemplating such anecdotes as what an ant once told him of an impending insect revolution; the aristocratically inclined Mehitabel briefs us on her own brazen points of view as she's batted about the cruel world. Culbert is able to imbue each with their own unique physical and verbal traits, making his rhapsodizing about the cosmos and fate an absolute pleasure to behold.
- Aaron Graham

C-
Are You Priest Enough?
Silent Drum Productions
Venue 3, The Playhouse Studio
Review posted: Wednesday, July 22

It's never quite clear why Bob Legare signed up for seminary school in this autobiographical production, but since he's starring in a Fringe show, there's never any doubt that he didn't make it to priesthood. The journey to his refusal of the Catholic Church is occasionally interesting, and accentuated by charmingly amateurish songs and references to Trooper. Legare gives it his all, but multi-characters aren't his forte, and it's sometimes hard to determine who's talking in any given scene. There's a good show in this subject, and unfortunately, this isn't it.
- Amanda Stefaniuk

B
The Art of Being A Bastard
Mur-Folk Productions & Norse Force Five Productions
Venue 11, Red River College
Review posted: Sunday, July 19

Three twentysomethings spend their free time recovering from recent breakups, immersing themselves in online role-playing games and failing at life in general. That's when these nice guys decide the only way they'll get the girl is by becoming the bastards of the title. Joshua Lee Coss, Jason Green, and Chad Zinger portray the hapless group of friends as well as parents, Lé Chateau employees, and bullying older brothers with comic ease depicting a generation of 'losers' who are clueless when it comes to the opposite sex. The jerkier they get, the more women are interested, until the third act takes an unexpected turn for the dramatic, causing the show to lose some of its momentum.
- Amanda Stefaniuk

B
Beating Like a Hammer
Insisto
Venue 16, PTE Mainstage
Review posted: Saturday, July 18

Girls just wanna have fun and local musicians/dancers/vocalists Marie-Josée Clément, Kalyn Falk, Jane Martens and Kathryn Balzer are clearly out for a heckuva good time. Their 60-minute, tightly choreographed show, described as "standing on the threshold of discovery" (huh?) is a quirky, right-brain excursion that flows seamlessly through a river of song, dance, pantomime and music, including a nifty taiko drum number - junkyard style - and some way cool body percussion. The show's highlight is its fabulous kickoff: a grungy tango with the masked quartet accompanied by guest bassist Lionel Martens. Think Stepford Wives meet Tom Waits and you'll get the idea. More of this bold theatricality would have made the show rock as, at times, it began to resemble one big, continuous drum circle. Audience participation would also have helped the crowd feel more connected to the action, and greater variety - especially more gorgeous jazzy vocal numbers - would make it all that much stronger.
- Holly Harris

B-
Big Girls Don't Cry
Crowning Monkey
Venue 3, The Playhouse Studio
Review posted: Sunday, July 19

It's a good thing Toronto's Rachelle Elie has charisma and personality in spades - without them, this one-woman revue would be little more than a collection of sort-of-funny jokes (yeah, yeah, men are obsessed with their penises and dieting is hard...) and not-so-great songs (sample lyrics: "I am me and you are you, together there's nothing we can't do.") Big Girls Don't Cry sees Elie embodying her be-glittered alter ego Om Shanti, who appears on the surface to be a cross between a domestic diva and a drag queen but who, in reality, is a self-conscious doctor's wife and mom, dressed in ridiculous silver leggings. Therein lies the problem: True divas are fierce, not fragile. Elie is extremely likeable (and at her best when she's at her dirtiest) - but by allowing us a peek behind the curtain, she loses some of her ferociousness.
- Marlo Campbell

C-
Blitz Kids
MacDonald's Plays
Venue 6, Tom Hendry Theatre (MTC Warehouse)
Review posted: Sunday, July 19

Casting Canadian children in a play about the London Blitz and making them speak with English and Scottish accents is an ambitious undertaking. Despite their gallant efforts and obvious enthusiasm, these young folk sounded like they were from another planet speaking their own language. Unsurprisingly, much of the audience was made up of older folks who had a hard time deciphering what was being said. The stage direction needs further development to help this young cast move more fluidly and feel comfortable in their own skin. Even the funny talent show in the closing act failed to salvage this sinking ship. Give the kids microphones and let them speak in native tongues.
- Liz Hover

C
Blue is the Water
Erik de Waal
Venue 8, The Rachel Browne Theatre
Review posted: Friday, July 17

South African Erik de Waal returns to the Canadian Fringe circuit for the 10th year with his most prominent piece, Blue is the Water. In it, de Waal tells the story of a South African woman's plight to reside amongst the Dutch without assimilating in the 16th century. It's a bit predicatble; Eva loses the love of her life, the only white (and luckily, wealthy) person who seems to truly accept her presence. He is apparently on a whole different wavelength from the others who shun her and end up confiscating her inheritance. I don't want to ruin it, but something happens to their son as well. Naturally, the seasoned de Waal brings a buoyant voice and commanding presence to the floor, but his narration isn't enough to keep this one-man show from treading in lukewarm water.
- Brenlee Coates

B+
Brazil Nuts
Watson Arts
Venue 2, MTC Up the Alley
Review posted: Thursday, July 16

Cowboy strippers, vomiting cats, lesbian lovers, oh my. Is there anything gifted New York-based solo performer Susan Jeremy can't portray? This fast-paced comedy co-penned with Mary Fulham shows the desperate lengths illegal immigrants go to in order to avoid deportation, as told through the eyes of her character Jackie whose Brazilian girlfriend Fabiana faces getting kicked out of the country. Enter Ron, a sleazy stripper in the Boots and Saddles gay bar who bumps and grinds his way through life, but agrees to a marriage of convenience to Fabiana all in the name of making a buck. The 50-minute tale is laced with witty cultural insights and plenty of gay jokes while showing off Jeremy's bang on accents, sharp comic timing and seamless transitions between her stable of colourful characters. It all ends happily ever after, of course, with the show raising some thorny questions about the plight of illegal immigrants and the precarious future of gay marriage along the way.
- Holly Harris

A+
Breakdance for Solo Cello
Solid State Breakdance  
Venue 9, Canwest Performing Arts Centre (MTYP)
Review posted: Sunday, July 19

Every year there seems to be - buried amongst the good, bad, and just plain ugly - a few shows that are diamonds. Breakdance for Solo Cello is one of those shows. Produced by Montreal's Solid State Breakdance, the show's brilliance lies in its concept. Inspired by J.S. Bach's Six Suites for Unaccompanied Cello, breakdancers JoDee Allen, Joe Danny Aurelien, Jennifer Casimir, Greg Selinger and Helen Simard spin and torque to a live score beautifully performed by Winnipeg cellist Yuri Hooker. Arguably, this could easily have flopped, except SSB has reinterpreted Bach's 18 th century courtly dances with a streetwise aesthetic, creating pure, enthralling magic. The high-energy dancers are superb, layering Allen and Simard's tightly synchronized choreography with communicative layers of relationship and play. Adding a techno remix score that allows individuals to cut loose in dazzling solos only adds icing to the cake. These hip hop visionaries have achieved what is most elusive: by breathing new life into centuries old music with an imaginative, vernacular dance vocabulary, they have shown us the timelessness, universality and most of all, transcendent power of art.  
- Holly Harris

B
The Cockwhisperer: A Love Story
Colette Kendall
Venue 7, The Conservatory
Review posted: Wednesday, July 22

Having seen Colette Kendall's stellar Who's Afraid of Tippi Seagram? at the Fringe a couple of years ago, I was excited to see what a show without her martini-swilling alter-ego looked like. Unfortunately, it just wasn't as funny. The problems didn't lie in Kendall's performance; she's got the note-perfect delivery of a seasoned stand-up comic and self-deprecating charm to spare. The trouble was in the material, which, for the most part, felt stale (you won't hear anything that hasn't already come out of Samantha Jones' mouth in Sex and the City). Still, The Cockwhisperer had its fair share of crowd-pleasing moments - especially during the monologue that dealt with her painfully awkward first time - but the show was actually redeemed by the not-so-funny parts, particularly those relating to a not-so-happy marriage. Ultimately, Colette learns that there's more to men than their equipment, and happily, there's more to The Cockwhisperer than cock jokes.
- Jen Zoratti

C-
Cookies & Milk
Get Some Productions
Venue 3, The Playhouse Studio
Review posted: Wednesday, July 22
 
A bride, a baker and a troublemaker, these are the three characters in Cookies & Milk, the first Fringe production by local playwright Katie Man. The bride, Charlotte (Katherine Leithead), and her baker husband, Artemus (Garrett Hnatiuk) are having money-related marital problems. However, the couple's real complication comes in the form of a complete stranger, Bucky (John Landreville). As the pair's unexpected house guest, it's revealed that Bucky is actually more of an insider than an outsider, with profound connections to the couple. Unfortunately, the more that is revealed in Cookies & Milk, the less sense the play makes. The actors make a go of it and the dialogue is quite punchy and humourous throughout, but when the story fails to be believable, it just fails. Still, it's a noble failure.
- Jared Story

C+
Crown Hill Cemetery
Creative Evolution
Venue 7
Review posted: Monday, July 20

It's difficult to fault a Fringe show in which the audience is given snacks. But snacks alone do not a Fringe show make. Lisa Haas' monologue Crown Hill Cemetery is basically a public airing of her fear of death, stemming, in no small part, from her family's obsession with it, including their Sunday visits scoping out the lavish Crown Hill Cemetery. Haas is a funny, low-key performer who definitely has some great stories to tell, but Crown Hill Cemetery, could benefit from more dramatic structure. It needs to feel less like a series of funny and/or touching stories and more like a theatrical work. Haas has devised some clever devices - audience members can yell for a break from all the death talk - but, snacks or no, the show feels less like a theatre piece and more like hanging out in Haas' living room listening to crazy stories about her family.
- Barb Stewart

A+
CRUMBS again for the first time
CRUMBS
Venue 14, The King's Head Pub
Review posted: Monday, July 20
 
CRUMBS? I mean, the local improv comedy duo is always hilarious. What's up with that? How about a little balance, y'know maybe a bad show every one in awhile. But nooooo, Stephen Sim and Lee White have to be hilarious every time, doing long-form improv better than anybody. It sickens me. And then a few years ago CRUMBS had the gall to add master scratcher DJ Hunnicut to provide an "improvised soundtrack" that enhances the whole experience. I mean, weren't they good enough? No, CRUMBS had to get better. So yeah, CRUMBS was tremendously funny, I mean, if you're into that. But seriously, who wants to laugh for a whole hour? And it's one of those belly laughs, y'know where your whole body giggles. Not for me. Not to mention, you'll actually forget about all your problems. Way to go CRUMBS - your irresponsible improv has made everybody happy.
- Jared Story

A
Don't Make Fun of Jesus
Break The Wall Productions
Venue 10, Planetarium Auditorium
Review posted: Sunday, July 19

What's a nice Southern girl doing in a chromosome-deprived place like this? Exorcising her demons in a hot, hip and horny flurry of observational therapy on life, love and summer church camp losers for Jesus, Sherri D. Sutton throws it all on the altar for sacrifice. Starting with an appropriately wry take on the Canadian love of the word 'sorry,' this New York-based Roseanne Barr discovery uses the concept as a jumping-off point for a decidedly unapologetic attitude toward her lesbianism despite the objections of a Southern Baptist family. Preferring to examine the Bible's contradictory nature as more of a series of options, this vibrant result of "being jobless and funny" challenges perceptions in all sorts of ways and includes a wildly brilliant cross-cultural take on Jack and Jill. This one is certain to make more than a few Best of the Fest lists.
- John Scoles

B
Dionysus in Stony Mountain
Ross McMillan's Large Successful Theatre Co.
Venue 4, Onstage at the Playhouse
Review posted: Monday, July 20

When the programme opens with a lengthy quotation from Friedrich Niezstche you know you're in for a lot of words. Playwright Steven Ratzlaff plays a prison inmate who is both a devotee of the German philosopher and off his lithium, and that can't be an entirely good thing. He's completely convincing as a logorrheic manic, although he stumbled over some of this lines. Carolyn Gray is terrific as his psychiatrist whose main task is to react to the chunks of nihilism coming her way. At one point, she gets a big laugh with the word "OK." Borrowing the meme of Niezstche as madman and wise man, Ratzlaff guides us into the soul of a tortured individual. A thought-provoking, challenging experience, if drama-free. I suspect this is not how most therapy sessions go at Canadian federal penitentiaries.
- Quentin Mills-Fenn

D
The Entrepreneurs: A Hillbilly Comedy
Theatre X
Venue 7, The Conservatory
Review posted: Tuesday, July 21

The only thing more tragic than watching a bad play with unlikeable characters, is watching a bad play with likable characters. Though the two leads' hillbilly shtick eventually becomes a little tired, they do possess a certain amount of charm as BJ and V, a backwoods couple determined to make it big by selling anything and everything from expired meat to lemon-less lemonade. The actors are talented, and they have good stage chemistry, particularly during a scene in which they approach a bank manager for a loan, but no amount of talent can save you when the play you're in has all the substance of that lemon-less lemonade. One wise move on the part of the performers was to reference the fact that The Entrepreneurs was supposed to be a totally different show - A History of Hair. They acknowledge this bait and switch and even incorporate into the show, making us all wonder if we had been scammed by the fast-talking BJ. Overall, though, that was the only part of this production that was remotely interesting - the rest is just painful to watch.
- John Towns

C +
Erosion
Brian Longfield
Venue 13, Ragpickers Theatre
Review posted: Saturday, July 18

"Every stone tells a story, and the earth has a story of its own," says the program. Well, this ambitious, multi-media tale of creepy lizards taking over the world and an intrepid newspaper reporter tasked with the duty of uncovering why is a head-scratcher. The production itself seems to pay homage to low budget horror flicks and is presented as a silent video with an admirable live guitar accompaniment performed by Longfield. It also effectively plays with a constantly changing perspective as actor Charla Ramsey appears to step in and out of the video in various masked guises, playing both the hapless (live) reporter as well as a sneering lizard that makes itself quite at home in the audience. But many of show's sections begin to drag and the final showdown where the fearsome creature simply hands a rock to Ramsey feels anticlimactic. You'll also want to note the show ran 10 minutes shorter than its billed 45.
- Holly Harris