Dear Sasha,
I'd like some info regarding vaginal aromas. I love my GF's vag, love the way it looks and love to caress it with my tongue, but sometimes the smell is overpowering and detracts from the pleasure. What can be done about a strong vaginal scent, and how can I bring it up in a diplomatic way so no insult/drama ensues?

At Tongue's Reach

Dear Tongue,
I cannot guarantee how this revelation will go over with your girlfriend. That depends on how clued-up she is on her vagina. She may have bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection - both common, both treatable.

A healthy vagina has the smell of plain yogurt. As Natalie Angier writes in Woman: An Intimate Geography ($21, Anchor), "The acidity of the vagina in health is just about that of a glass of red wine. This is the vagina that sings; this is the vagina with bouquet, with legs," but as she also points out, "sometimes we stink, and we know it.

"And here is where the unflattering comparison to seafood comes in. Distressingly, the microbes make trimethylamine, which is the same substance that gives day-old fish its odour. They make putrescine, a compound found in putrifying meat. They make cadaverine, and I need not tell you whence that chemical was named.

"The amount and combination of these rank byproducts depends on the severity of the vaginosis."

One culprit in vaginosis is douching. Another, sorry to tell you, is semen.

"Even a single shot of semen will temporarily disturb the ecosystem of the vagina," Angier writes. "Sperm can't swim in the biting climate of a healthy vagina, so they're buffered in an alkaline solution, acid's biochemical yang. For several hours after intercourse, the overall pH of the vagina rises, temporarily giving unsavoury bacteria the edge."

Some women adjust quickly to their partner's sperm, while others do not.

If this is a persistent problem, it is a health concern and your girlfriend should see her gynecologist or drop by a sexual health clinic. How you bring it up with her is your call, but I suggest tactfully, perhaps with a bit of science as your ally - definitely not while making the international gesture for pee-yoo as you're hovering over her crotch.

. . .

Dear Sasha,
I am a touring musician and I often find myself sharing a room with my entire band. You might imagine that sharing a room would be a great bonding and team-building experience. However, all I ever think about as I'm lying there in a room full of dirty, drunken musicians is when and where I'll find the time and privacy to masturbate.

I need a good strong vibrator that I can use in the shower, is battery-operated for when I find myself in countries with different wattage situations, and is discreet enough so it doesn't sound like Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer through the wafer-thin walls of the many highway motels we stay in.

Help a bitch out before all my songs end up being about my own blue balls.

Wet Yet Dry

Dear Wet,
Despite its terrible name (think jazz ballet number set to the Alan Parsons Project's Eye In The Sky bad), the Water Dancer is waterproof, compact, runs on just one AA battery and is priced at $20 to $30. It is, however, designed with clitoral stimulation in mind, so if you're looking for something insertable, a vibrator from this collection (nitetimetoys.com/toys/waterproof-_vibrators.php) might be more up your alley. These are all priced very well, too. Most are made from a trademarked material called Velvet Cote, and one's made of TPR (thermoplastic rubber), but both materials are non-porous and phthalate-free.

All these vibrators are relatively quiet, but keep in mind that any vibrator that isn't electric or rechargeable has the potential to rattle if the battery isn't set in the unit properly. As well, what makes a vibrator waterproof is a small rubber ring called a gasket, so make sure you don't lose that on your journeys.

I don't know if I'd ever bring an electric vibrator to Europe again, even with an appropriate adapter. My Magic Wand took the power out in the squat I was staying in, damaging the Wand irreparably and creating quite an uncomfortable scene when I found myself lying to a squat resident. I told him I had been blow-drying my hair. Should have told him I was jerking off. Way more radical.

Questions? Comments? Contact Sasha at pouledeluxe@yahoo.com.