Spirited mediocrity
Housecoated citizens of Manitoba unite behind our new slogan
John Scoles
When the government people came up to me in the beer tent at the
Folk Festival and asked if they could film me describing Manitoba,
I gave them a big thumbs up and said, “It’s not only
in the heart of Canada, it is the heart of Canada.”
They got all excited by that and said they’d put me in their
commercial, but if they show it I’ll probably be watching
Trailer Park Boys at the time on a different channel. I knew they
wanted me to be clever with my description, so I happily obliged
them, but that’s not what I really think the slogan should
be. I think it should be “Stand tall,” and I think
the image should be a gigantic picture of Burton Cummings with
his arm around a grain elevator and a Mr. Big Nip in his hand.
I like Manitoba because it’s the kind of place where a housecoated
guy like myself really fits in. It’s about a comfortable
love of non-greatness. It’s like a girl who doesn’t
need to wear makeup to feel beautiful. It’s a sweet, scrappy,
messy little thing that just doesn’t know any better than
to be honest as hell — and too bad for you if you don’t
get it.
One of my favourite authors, a scrappy, messy and surprisingly
sweet character named Charles Bukowski, once said that you should
never trust a writer who has a clean kitchen. Manitoba is like
that writer: it’s too busy being honest to have time to
care if the track suit it’s wearing is a little shiny in
the bum.
Speaking of scrappiness, I’ve often found that the Canadians
I most relate to when I’m travelling are Manitobans and
Maritimers. I like that, because even though it’s not usually
thought of as such, Manitoba is a coastal province. And if you’ve
ever been up to The Flats in Churchill, you know that it’s
not a glamorous coast.
When I think of coasts and lack of glamour, I think of the Trailer
Park Boys. You know damn well those Maritimers could just as easily
be Manitobans. My favourite episode of their show is Closer to
the Heart, in which they kidnap Alex Lifeson and Bubbles gets
to jam with his idol.
I totally understand why Bubbles loves Rush. The band’s
incredible display of musical wizardry and passion that just doesn’t
quit is right up my alley. But I can’t help but feel a deeper,
crazier connection in it all. Manitoba is the “heart,”
Bubbles is getting closer to it, and if only Burton could be there
with him — eating pepperoni, wearing a hockey helmet, comparing
guts with Randy, and all of them bursting into an off-key version
of Stand Tall — it could help us finally see Manitoba as
it really are.
We’re hicks. We don’t care what people in other places
say is supposed to be good. We do it our own way. We like our
meat and we like our TV. We like our bands, and we like wearing
T-shirts with bands’ names on them. We don’t care
if you call the fashion police. We don’t believe in silly
human pride.
We’re not too pretty good, eh?
John Scoles is president and janitor of the Times Change(d) High
& Lonesome Club. |
Uptown
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