Survey Says…
Who’s got the juice when it comes to our sexiest leader quiz?
Marlo Campbell

Politicians are like, totally hot — just ask Monica Lewinsky. The constant media attention, the ability to create law, the power ties — no wonder so many women have a thing for guys in politics.

Are you still unsure of which federal party leader gets you wet? Take this easy quiz and discover who you want to dominate (sorry — that should be ‘govern’) you on Jan. 23.

1. I like a man who has:
a. Money. Preferably lots of it.
b. Values. Good, old-fashioned, God-fearing “No wine for me, thanks — I’m pregnant again,” values.
c. Facial hair.
d. Eco-capitalist ideals — think David Suzuki meets Alex Keaton.
e. A sexy accent.

2. My favourite Star Wars character is:
a. Obe Wan Kenobi: An older father-figure who seems powerful yet is unable to stop corruption by the Dark Side.
b. Darth Vader: The ultimate bad boy; comes off a bit cold and icy; associates with some intense right-wingers.
c. C-3PO: Smart, well-meaning and always close to the action; has trouble being listened to or taken seriously.
d. R2D2: Left guarding the ship while everyone else fights amongst themselves; slightly rotund; popular with kids.
e. Han Solo: Hates the establishment; gets a disproportionate amount of air-time for a supporting character.

3. I know a guy is hot for me when he:
a. Lets me take an extra hundred dollar bill from the envelope on his dresser.
b. Attempts to smile.
c. Invites me out drinking with him and his union buddies.
d. Saves a spot for me at the front of the protest blockade.
e. Tells me I’m “pretty cool for an English chick.”

4. For my birthday, I expect:
a. A rock so large I have to drag my hand behind me when I walk.
b. Something practical: a Bible, perhaps, or a frying pan.
c. Autographed copies of his books.
d. A membership to Greenpeace and a subscription to The Economist.
e. A ticket to a Canadiens homegame.

5. When I’m menstrual and cranky, my ideal guy:
a. Says my feelings are very, very important to him. Fundamentally important.
b. Recommends a good private clinic where I can get Tylenol 3. Tells me to leave the dishes for tomorrow.
c. Bonds with me over how unfair it is to be female in a patriarchal society. Offers to connect me to a support group in my area.
d. Reminds me that wasteful energy consumption habits are more important than a few cramps.
e. Opens a bottle of red wine.

6. In bed, I like:
a. To get screwed.
b. Two words: Alberta beef.
c. The tickle of a moustache against my upper thigh.
d. A man who’s happy someone is finally paying attention to him.
e. Are you kidding? Everyone knows foreign guys make great lovers.

Scoring: Each letter represents one of the federal leaders — who did you choose?

a. A middle-aged, married white guy
b. A middle-aged, married white guy
c. A middle-aged, married white guy
d. A middle-aged, married white guy
e. A middle-aged, married white guy

Ladies: Politics will stay a boy’s club until we start making some noise, so get out there and vote on Jan. 23 — if not with your brain, then at least with your clitoris.