‘You’re Ugly!’
Forget Downtown Problems - Let’s Celebrate Winnipeg’s Weirdness
John Scoles
I am very interested in the impossible, the inappropriate, the
unlikely, and the underdog.
I want to experience and share moments with people like the great
Peter Neckaway, a lovely old aboriginal Winnipegger who can be
seen ambling down Main Street and joyfully telling people, “You
know what? You’re ugly,” like it’s the greatest
compliment they’ll ever get.
I want to tell you about being hopelessly mired in snake-infested
Moroccan mountains without any shoes before being rescued by a
charming little sharing-their-house-with-a-cow farming family
whose nightly pastime was listening to their one and only piece
of music — a tape of Pink Floyd’s The Wall —
which they played through two tape decks wired together because
one only had a working tape mechanism and the other just a working
speaker.
I’m also happy to report on getting caught in the middle
of a Swat-team takedown and staring down the barrel of a gun on
Sunset Strip one Hollywood night. It was all pricelessly summarized
by a wizened old man (also without any shoes) who looked up at
me from the curb he was sitting on and said, “Life on the
streets, man.”
I love that the truest stories are the most unbelievable, and
that the most beautiful people are often the least shiny.
It’s Best of Winnipeg time coming up again in Uptown, and
I’d like to propose a few new categories to honour the little
guy.
Instead of fretting about downtown decay, I would like to see
people using their voices to celebrate the ‘Most Colourful
Panhandler.’
Is it the usually boisterous woman by Movie Village who becomes
docile once she’s had something to eat? Jesus of Osborne
Village was also always a solid contender. Or what about the Crying
Lady (aka the Twoonie Lady), who will accept nothing less than
a twoonie? Or maybe it’s the guy I see once in a while at
St. Mary and Main who so honestly asks for a donation toward alcohol
research.
Speaking of liquor — always one of my favourite topics —
I would be curious as to who would be in the running for ‘Best
Bar Room Philosopher.’ Would it be venerable man-about-town
Joey Myles? Or has Aaron Goss of D. Rangers become the new king?
Another category could be ‘The Givin’ ’Er General’s
Award’ for people who aren’t afraid to scream their
guts out in support of Winnipeg’s unbelievable music scene.
Without those folks, we’d just one of those other towns
where nobody really knows what they like unless someone tells
them.
Ah, well, whether you get a trophy or not, I’ve always believed
that when it seems like nothing’s happening for you, your
best bet is to celebrate the shit out of the situation and go
from there.
Everything is as beautiful as you’re willing to make it.
Even if you’re ugly, you still might be the sweetest little
turd in the bowl.
John Scoles is president and janitor or Times Change(d) High &
Lonesome Club. |
Uptown
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