Diversions
Love Bites
Sexual hostage-taking
Haiku Horoscopes
-
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
The best burger you
Will ever have will be made
From your own seared flesh -
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
I’m not sure why those
Aries are always downbeat
And so macabre -
GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 20)
You already missed
The boat on building an ark
To escape the flood -
CANCER (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
Terrifying, I
Know, but kittens made out of
Razor blades are here -
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
You’ll make more money
Waiting tables if you wear
Low expectations -
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Your spirit may be
Willing, but your flesh is too
Weak to challenge wolves -
LIBRA (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
You’ll earn the respect
Of many bears when you soak
Yourself in honey -
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Anytime you feel
Like you aren’t accomplishing
Enough, trust that sense -
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Wars will rage unseen
In the hidden world ruled by
Penguin overlords -
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Some calm, relaxing
Tea is the perfect way to
Unwind after death -
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Defeating that dark
Wizard is the only way
To soothe your sore throat -
PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Don’t close your eyes for
Even one second or I
SAID DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES!!!
