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Amy

Amy may be a downloadable game currently available only though Xbox Live or PlayStation Network, but even with a scant $10 price tag, it’s a full-fledged game in its own right — a survival horror game not far off from any full-priced retail counterpart. More interesting than the unique release method is the fact that it was designed by Paul Cuisset, who created some pretty great games in the early-to-mid ’90s, including the classic sidescroller Flashback: The Quest for Identity.
   
There’s no doubt that Cuisset was a talented designer — the key word here being "was." Any optimism you might have for the game will dissipate within 10 minutes as it becomes very apparent that it’s a complete and utter mess. This is a game that was made by someone who has absolutely no idea how modern video games work, a point that shows in every single facet of its design. The visuals are depressingly unimaginative and coated in layers of murky darkness; the controls are so stilted and cumbersome, they make even the simplest movements nearly impossible to pull off; and it’s so frustratingly difficult because of its own broken and dated mechanics — most of the time, it’s nearly unplayable. This game truly feels like it was made in 1997 and has been sitting on a shelf for 15 years.
   
Even if the game wasn’t so sloppily executed, the ideas at its core are so uninspired, inconsistent and just plain strange that it’d still be a failure — even if it was properly executed. The story, involving the titular Amy, a little mute psychic girl you have to protect from zombies and evil government agents for reasons that never really make any sense, is confounding and is made all the more ridiculous by the fact that at completely random points, it’s either being told through horrendously directed cutscenes or lazy, out-of-nowhere comic-book panels. They couldn’t even decide how they wanted to present this nonsense in a semi-coherent way.
   
Nothing can touch the awfulness of the save system, however, which is so terribly cruel that it seems to be going out of its way to make you quit playing out of frustration. The game is divided into five chapters and each chapter must be completed in one sitting if you want to permanently save your progress; quit halfway through Chapter 3 and you’ll have to completely redo it the next time you play the game. There are checkpoints within the chapters that you return to when you die, but they’re spaced so far apart and at such inopportune times that every one of your frequent deaths brings you that much closer to throwing your controller out a window.
   
Amy could’ve been a cult classic of epic proportions if it managed to at least be entertaining in a cheesy, so-bad-it’s-good kind of way. Instead, it’s such a miserable experience that any fun you have will come from shutting it off. It can be nice when an older game designer gets another chance to shine — unless it’s apparent said designer hasn’t actually played a video game in 15 years.

Bits & Bytes
   
March has just gotten a little bit emptier as Rockstar has pushed back Max Payne 3 to May 15. Considering the last two games Rockstar released in May were the brilliant Red Dead Redemption and L.A. Noire, the delay is more exciting than disappointing.


Upcoming Releases
   
Jan. 31 — Final Fantasy XIII-2 (360, PS3); Soul Calibur 5 (360, PS3).

   
Mel Stefaniuk is a writer who can tell the difference between Mario and Sonic.