Love Bites

Dear Sasha,
   
I’m not a big guy by any means (5-foot-6, 140 lbs) and I’ve been finding it harder and harder to deal with my height in regards to attracting women.
   
I’ve had two girlfriends break up with me because they preferred taller guys and been on a couple first dates where the same has been said. I’m not knocking the girls; in fact, I praise them for being honest because, let’s face it, you’re either physically attracted to the person or you’re not. My confidence in myself with girls has been slowly chipped away because I physically can’t be the type to "manhandle" them as most I’ve been with have wanted me to be. I’m relatively fit in that I play hockey, jog, bike, etc. but I can’t really bulk up. I know I can’t really change any of this and I must learn to accept myself for who I am and what I can offer — and I do — but with every step forward I take, I always end up suffering another blow to my confidence that pushes me back a step or two.
   
I know I just have to get back on the horse and not let any of this faze me but it’s getting harder to get back up on that horse. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Luc in Winnipeg


Dear Luc,
   
Let me be clear in stating that I have nothing but respect and wonder for the city of Winnipeg. According to Environment Canada, it is the coldest city in the world for populations over 600,000 and is also informally known as Canada’s mosquito and Slurpee capital. It is home to many of my favourite artists — Guy Maddin, Noam Gonick and the Lesbian Rangers to name just a handful. Winnipeg is, however, a relatively small city and, as many folks will tell you, sometimes you need to cast a wider net to find love.
   
There are also many women in the world significantly smaller than you. Would you consider a very petite woman as a lover or are your own attractions limiting your options as well? Think about it, Luc. Are you deliberately dating women who have a passion for taller men in order to prove some sort of Groucho Marx "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member" point?
   
I’m also going to smack you ever so gently upside the head and remind you that, in the grand scheme of things, you were born with a very, very minor disadvantage. In fact, it is probably the amount of privilege you do have that allows you to focus on this nugatory detail. I won’t bore you by producing the many lists available online of successful short men (a large majority over whom you’d tower). I find one underlying implication, when records of successful short men or fat women are compiled, is that people who have perceived hindrances are always overcompensating and that any of the negative attributes they display (pushiness, being easily vexed or voluble) are then attributed to the fact that they must always fight to take space. Take these equations as an example:
   
Tall person who is loud = tall person who is loud
   
Short person who is loud = short person who is loud because they’re short.
   
While it may be true that people who are not blessed with qualities that are commonly considered desirable may have to work harder to get what they want, it also implies that what they want must always be determined by standards that exclude them. You are allowed to let setbacks faze you, Luc, but as you get back on your horse, try to do so with kind self-regard.

• • •

Dear Sasha,
   

I just wanted to contribute my two cents to the contraceptive sponge issue. The sponge gave me BV. I think the amount of spermicide was too much for my vaginal flora to handle. I used it briefly when I was in a relationship but now that I am a single lady, it’s all condoms all the time.

Yesterday’s Sponge

Dear Yesterday’s,
   
Thanks! Ladies, any other thoughts you’d care to share? Pass them along here.
   
Questions? Comments? Contact Sasha at pouledeluxe@yahoo.com.