Uncommon Sense

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One of the over-arching themes of this column has always been a hatred of stupidity, and I can think of few better opportunities to observe foolishness than a trip to the airport.
   
And yes, foolishness can even be found in the new James Armstrong Richardson Airport.
   
To be fair, the new airport is a significant improvement over the old one. For instance, the international-departures area actually has bathroom facilities for more than two people, and those facilities are accessible rather than placed in the middle of a narrow catwalk that no two people could walk on at once.
   
But the new airport is home to the airline industry and, as such, it is full of stupidity.
   
Overall, I can find little logic in an alarming number of airline and airport policies, and I can find little common sense in the people found in airports.
   
Take, for example, the loading of planes. The elderly and people travelling with children are given priority boarding so they have more time to get settled. Why? If someone takes more time to board the plane, they should board last, when they have no chance to clog the aisles for 10 minutes. By boarding last, their seats would also be very obvious simply by process of elimination.
   
Then the elite frequent fliers go next. They usually sit in first class, creating a log jam right at the front of the plane. That’s made worse when flight attendants stand in the aisles and serve drinks to first-class passengers while the rest of us wait to board.
   
Next, they board the average shmucks like me. The various airlines have different ways of deciding who goes next at this point. Air Canada claims to load the back of the plane, while United has some ridiculous system that makes no sense to anyone at all. Everyone is also burdened with excess baggage — most of which doesn’t fit in the overhead compartments — because airlines now charge extra to check even a single bag, as if that wasn’t included in the price before.
   
When the ticket agents announce a boarding call for a certain group of passengers, all passengers make a run for the gate no matter where they’re sitting. Then people board out of turn. This, of course, means that John Smith from Wyoming will be trying without success to cram a guitar into the overhead bin above Seat 11C when everyone else is trying to get to rows 25 to 40.
   
On a recent trip, I actually heard a guy beside me tell his buddy that he never listens to boarding announcements and just enters whenever he wants. He also told his buddy he always selects the seats near the emergency exits because they have more leg room.
   
If you’re clever, you already see the problem: the jackass can’t be bothered to follow even the simplest instructions for loading the plan yet selects a position where he will be instrumental in unloading the plane when it’s on fire.
   
There is no way to feel good about this situation.
   
And really, there’s no way to feel good about air travel. That’s true even if we have a brand-new airport in Winnipeg.
   
All you can do is grin and bear it while marveling at the cool new skylights and the amazing stupidity swirling around you.
   
Mike Warkentin hates flying.